“These people are physically sick and mentally sick; they come to us with depression. And this is what we do: we teach them a way out, that there's hope.”
Buck talks about the loneliness and grief he felt after becoming separated from his kids. He talks about staying alive for his kids, and with the support of whānau and friends, he’s been able to recover. Eight years on, he’s helping others get through tough times.
I've been nominated for New Zealander of the Year twice. I won Local Hero of Manukau twice – 2012, 2014. I won New Zealander of the Day 2010, and I suffered from depression.
My story goes back a little bit. What had happened was I lost my children through a relationship break-up. Every day was a constant reminder of not having a piece of you, not having this certain type of love that only your children can give you. That was difficult because it dragged on for such a long time that it became like part of my life, that every day at night I was alone, and while I was driving and at work, I would just cry all the time. I would think about my kids and I would always be sad. I would drink until I fell asleep or couldn’t remember every day. I just tried to get out of reality and not be part of the system that was … I felt was causing me so much pain.
Because I had no money, I couldn’t afford to pay the child support and I was living in a garage and I was trying to see my daughters.
A friend of mine said to me, “Just imagine what it will be like when you get your kids back.” And the number one reason why you wanted to commit suicide is I didn’t have my kids. It’s the number one reason why I wanted to stay alive too. And then 8 years later, my children came to me and I ended up becoming a solo dad. Just the most amazing feeling in the world and the most complete feeling in the world is being a father. And then I raised them up through high school etcetera and watched them become the great adults and human beings that they are today.
But there was light at the end of the tunnel, and every day I had support from my sister. My sister was there for me, and without saying too much she would always make sure that she knew where I was.
Probably the biggest thing that I did to help me feel better and always helped me feel better was I trained. The power that drives me every single day and makes me want to get up every single morning is the love that I have for my children and my wife. In service and doing something for other people, my life started to change, and that’s what I do today.
I've got the greatest job in the world now. We get people that have been in my position. I give to them 150 percent, and they give to me 150 percent back. These people are physically sick and mentally sick; they come to us with depression. And this is what we do: we teach them a way out, that there's hope.
