Supporting someone

If you're concerned about someone, it's okay to reach out to them. Tough times can catch us by surprise, and the person might not realise their own changes. They may feel like no one has noticed, so your observation can be a sign of care.

Starting this conversation can be scary. You might question your place in their life or think others are better placed to help. Remember, there's no rulebook on who can offer support. Your simple act of acknowledgement and concern can be the motivation for them to seek help.

“When people asked how I was, I said I was ‘fine’. I didn’t really know how to explain the darkness I felt, or the numb ache of being alive. I became convinced those feelings had always been there. I only really accepted that something was wrong, and I was allowed to ask for help after heaps of people in my life reached in to me.” – Manisha

Talking about mental health can be hard. If it doesn't feel right, there are other ways to show support. Your goal is to let them know you see them, care for them and are there for them through actions and words.

“It means being there. It means listening. It means being present.” – Dr Evangelene Daniela-Wong

Distress can feel lonely. Sometimes just being there is the most significant support you can offer. Do things you both enjoy like cooking, walking or sharing music. Be flexible and understanding if they're not up for certain activities, and find simple ways to be present in their life.

As you suggest things, you might find that some of the ideas might be too much for them right now. Tough times can be exhausting, and things that used to be easy become much harder. When this happens, here are some things to try:

• Continue inviting them to things. Let them know that they’re always welcome, and that even though you’d love to have them there, it’s not a problem when they can’t come.
• Try to do other things to meet them where they’re at. This could be as simple as dropping off some food and sitting with them for a bit.

Encourage the person you're supporting to think of other people who can help. Help them connect or reconnect to other people, and offer to join them at appointments. This could include friends, family, colleagues and health professionals. Our people who can help page offers insights on building this network. Remember, it's okay to step back and let others step in.

Supporting someone is a journey with ups and downs. It's tough to see a loved one hurting, and it's important to acknowledge that we can't fix everything. All we can do is walk alongside them as they find their own way through. You don’t have to have the answers. Just being there and listening without judgement is enough.

If you’re finding it difficult or overwhelming to show up for the person you care about, seek help. Reach out to friends and family, do things that make you feel good and consider calling a helpline to talk through what you’re experiencing. You deserve support too.